"Every day we're making this decision and this commitment anew," he says. "I'm not with you because there would be legal speed bumps to get through if we weren't. I'm with you because this is where I want to be."
Quote from Couples Who Don't Get Married, Time Magazine
First off, read the Time Article.
Now...
If that quote above expresses the attitude that was held going into marriage, or evolved once the excitement was gone, and selfishness and immaturity took the foreground, no wonder there is such a high rate of divorce. It's not surprising that marriage is looked at with apprehension and even avoided.
So, I started thinking about what marriage means to me, both personally and generally.
Marriage can't be a singular commitment. In other words, it must be proceeded by a proven commitment already in existence.
It is a daily decision and commitment. And not always based on passion or good feelings, but made nonetheless out of respect and the commitment that anyone makes being in a relationship.
It's more than a legality. It's a choice to participate and commiserate fully in my partners life, and to have that acknowledged by God and man.
I'll be the first to tell you that my views have been formed out of a Christian upbringing, in which marriage plays a strong roll. And it's probably obvious without stating the fact! :-)
Would Kyle and I be just as happy if were weren't married but just as committed? Possibly so. But we choose to make the ultimate commitment based on our love and desire to be in each other lives for all of time. This is it, this is our marriage, our relationship. Neither of us view it as a legality, or even a breakable bond. It's been the best thing ever for us both! Not a fix it, or even the next step, but an enhancement to our lives.
Some people are able to commit in a very deep way, perhaps negating out the legality of marriage for them. Perhaps they've been raised without marriage being a large part of their belief system or encountered something that repels them from the marriage model. I don't know. I'm not saying that everyone MUST get married based on my opinions.
Still, I think marriage is tending to have negative connotations. I find that sad, because I've found it to be the most glourious experience of my life!
Anyway...that's my tirade. Hardly logically or polished. :-) But I would love to see what you all have to think--agreements, disagreements, etc!
3 comments:
I love this post! I stand by what you say about marriage, because that is my view on it as well. Marriage isn't all about good feelings or passion; it is about choosing each other for the rest of your life; to share, to toil, to laugh, to cry, to shout for joy, to shout in anger; the very good and the very bad. I love how you describe marriage as an enhancement to your lives. Very beautiful words!!
I'm with Morgan on this. Its a huge commitment and one which needs so much thought. I couldn't conceive getting married when I was 21. Not because I didn't know my partner but because I didn't know myself!! I tend to think now that if marriage is to be taken seriously that you should be a good few years into a relationship before its even considered.
But hey Laura, that's just me!!
Thanks for your comments!
Morgan, I really like how you put it--to shout for joy, to shout in anger. We don't really do much of the later, but that's partially what it's about, being there regardless.
Marriage is one of those topics that it seems so many people try to define a failsafe plan for, even though there are hardly any consistances between each couple and their relationship.
Your point is very good, Greenfingers! I know that we'll both change and grow, but I'm very happy that we can do that together. We're both very dedicated to that, and trying to take a similar direction in our development as adults, not to become identical (where's the fun in that?), but as two different people.
But, there I go again...trying to make a science out of it! :-)
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