Doppelganger

I've been running into the word "doppelganger" all over the place recently. First in the book "Atmospheric Disturbances" by Rivka Galchen. A good read by the way. And then just randomly in articles on the internet, blog posts.
Apparently, it's a German word that literally means "double goer" and refers to a double, or look-alike person. Wikipedia also says that it can describe the "sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision, in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection." I know I've had that sensation before. Not so much in the foreboding sense that Wikipedia further expounds on, but in one where I am momentarily outside of myself, looking into my life and self from a foreign place. It's such a rare thing--I can onlu think of twice when I've felt that way, and it always seems to be an objective contemplation of myself.

The mind is amazing. And scary. And awesome.

Happy 2009!

Best Of

What I like about the end og the year is all the "best of" lists that go out.
My Best Of Best Of lists are...

Last.FM: Best ofs for albums, artists, and tracks

Amazon: Books. Editor and costumer chosen lists

Rolling Stone: Need I say it....

CrunchGear: All the best (and a lil of the worst) techy bling a nerd could wish for!!

Time: The top ten of EVERYTHING in 2008

Actually....

I'm rather amazed at what all I've created, crafted, cooked and baked in the last couple weeks. Remove school from my life and good thing flow out of my brain and hands.

Life is good. And relaxed! That's the best part.

Photo photo photo

I don't know why I like words in sets of three.



My homage to Charlie Brown's Christmas tree. The mouse was hand sewn by Kyle's great grandmother for his 2nd Christmas.


Bittersweet that I found growing in the magnolia tree outside.


"Briar Berries." I don't know if they have an official name or anything, but they are pretty nonetheless.


Little red balls!


Lovely little glass candle holders from World Market (I love that place!).



My .75 cent clearance rosemary plant. Sure, it looks like a Christmas tree, but if I can perk it up, I'll have a great herb plant!



New favorite incense, Sandalwood. It smells so sweet.


One of my ribbon flowers. It only lacks a clip or hair comb of some sort.


My favorite ribbon flower hair comb!

Beethoven

Beethoven must have been a very "feeling" man, one of deep emotions that covered many ranges. How else would he create such music? Sure, talent and aptitude are needed, along with the standard genius factor, but without feeling, there is so meaning or depth, even worth, to any action or creation.

Anyway...the source of this observation is a love letter he wrote a mystery love.

"Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours"


His letter was edited down to this in the Sex and the City movie (I'm sorry, boredom and curiosity got the better of me!! But I did find this-->):

"My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved. I can only wholly with you or not at all—
Be calm, my life, my all. Only by calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours."

It's just so beautiful, be you in love or not. It speaks the truth of dedication that is in my heart.

Anyway. Enough of the overly romantic, sickeningly obnoxious love stuff.

I hope everyone had a relaxing and enjoyable Christmas!

I did make the cheese bread, and it was incredible! The changes I made were using half a package of normal yeast (the recipe called for instant......not sure if that's what I had or not...) in the sponge and the additional dough; adding crushed red pepper, basil, and oregano to the dough; doubling the cheese and mixing it with 1/4 cup garlic olive oil and some amount of parm. It could have used more cheese too, in my mind anyway, where more cheese is always better! :-)

Christmas Eve we had The Brothers (Kyle's brothers Jeremy and Alex) over for spanakopita and lots of beer! It was nice, and my spanakopita was amazing! I've proved that I can cook a mean meal! ;-)

I'm free from school until the 8th of Jan. In some ways I miss the academic control of my life, but on the other hand, free time is glorious! And the little extra income from additional work hours is nice too!

Goodnight all.

Shears

Kyle stole my cheap kitchen scissors. I demand stellar replacement.

Little Christmas Eve

My family has never been one with particular traditions for the holidays. This has been convient and easy, matching my family's laid-back personality and simplicity. However, the holiday was always special and set apart from the rest of the work and school days.

Now, this is my first Christmas outside of my family. Kyle's and my first Christmas married. In all the drastic changes that have occured this year, mainly my mother's death, it seems fitting that this is the first Christmas seperate from my family. They're in FL with my dad's mom, hopefully distracted and happy.

As it is our first Christmas, I want it to be special and create some type of tradition for us. Finding or creating one is kinda challenging! So I'm googling my heritage, Scandinavian, to see what holiday traditions are appealing! I doubt that I'll make lutefisk a part of our Christmases! I've got the pine decorations down...and the candles. Maybe that's all I'll glean from "the Old Country." At least for this year.

And what started this? The recollection that today is Little Christmas Eve! Another Scandinavian thing.

Wee!

December Spring Time!

Molly (a co-worker of mine here at the park) and I made a herb quick bread last night to give to our other co-workers. There is an over abundance of sugar-filled treats here, so we figured something without sugar would be the best choice. So, while I was searching for a quick bread recipe, I found this one for a yeast cheese bread.

Hot Cheese Bread: grip it and rip it and Gruyere Cheese Bread
The picture comes close to making me drool and immediately begin a rampage for cheese bread! I think I'll make some over Christmas when I have time off from work.

The weather has been absolutely crazy: first rainy and chilly, now warming up to in the 60's and partly cloudy.

Since sushi can only be consumed satisfactorily in warm weather, Kyle took me to Umi for lunch, where we feasted on spicy yellow tail tuna rolls and delightful salads with that good ginger dressing. My tummy and tongue are happy.

And, academically speaking, I passed my math class with a B! Yay!

The Good-morrow.

THE GOOD-MORROW.
by John Donne


I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I
Did, till we loved ? were we not wean'd till then ?
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly ?
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den ?
'Twas so ; but this, all pleasures fancies be ;
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear ;
For love all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone ;
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown ;
Let us possess one world ; each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest ;
Where can we find two better hemispheres
Without sharp north, without declining west ?
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally ;
If our two loves be one, or thou and I
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.

to do ado

Things to pursue or do...

Play with Photoshop and create glorious images (bahaha!)

Catch up on the Office, 30 Rock, etc, since my home internet is now restored!

Upload pictures of ribbon flowers and doodlings that filled my time while home-internetless.

Decide to buy or not to buy a Holga camera. Revision: Decide which one to buy. :-)

Create ribbon flowers for Sharon's bday/Christmas present

Play with my 35mm Canon camera.

See Akaisha.

Take a mini-trip to Asheville or Greenville.

Find snow.

Tetris *pop*

There was an interview of some artist guy on 60 Minutes last night. Usually I admire the artistic, and pull my own inspiration or thoughts from their work. But this guy was so condescending and arrogant that it completely made his work repulsive. When the reporter brought up a severe critic of the artist, the artist was offended and too upset to go on with the interview. Later on in the interview the reporter asked if the artist has a big ego. This guy looked at the reporter and told him that that was a rediculous question, implying "how in the world can you even think of asking me that?"
I say all that to say this: That guy took himself and his art too seriously. I think you can be serious about your art (or whatever you do), but when that seriousness takes over your amusment and joy, it's no longer enjoyable. Sure, this artist is some big thing, but he really didn't seem all that happy.

"Yarg!"

Well well well.

I hope that everyone had a splendid Thanksgiving! Kyle and I spent ours moving and then enjoyed a wonderful vegetarian feast prepared by Kyle's brother Alex. Alex will one day be a famous chef. I still have a turkey crave going on though.

We've moved quite successfully! It is so wonderful to hear the quiet of a house. I think I'm really a home-body...or least to the extent that I enjoy being at home when there's not anything appealing outside of my house.

I feel quite domesticated...on "Black Friday" Kyle and I went out and bought a washer and dryer. Wo0t!

Arg. I'm sick and tired and not inspired at all, despite the desire to nest in my house.

Yuck.

I love you but...

This person draws pictures to go with different "I love you but's"
I Love You, But...

Like a Baby

Sometimes I wish I still possesed the ability that babies have that allows them to put all their energy into crying. Just long enough to open my mouth and let it all out.

Moving On

So...we signed the lease today for the little lovely house that shall soon become our home!!
We move this week! I'm so excited!
It's sappy, but I'm still in that stage where everything new that Kyle and I do is so exciting! Hee hee!
Housey!

10 hours a day?

The crazy upstairs people do nothing but play Guitar Hero for 10 hours a day. The bass comes through the floor and unto my head. These weird, one-track folk only play a variety of 5-9 songs, so needless to say, I am sick and tired of it.
How absurd is it to spend HOURS playing that game?

Here's to (hopefully!!) moving!

my head

will be a combination of these.
If I keep on growing growing my hairs out and resist temptation to chop chop.

red and orange and green

When I signed up for my photography class, I was expecting a "traditional" digital photography class (I know, traditional and digital can't exactly be in the same room as each other.). As soon as I was sitting in the first class of the semester, I knew that wasn't going to be the case. I love my photog class! It feels more like an art class than a photog class.

Right now we're doing a joint project with the Drawing I class. Each day we have a "theme" like "form and color." They give us a material (exp, yesterday they gave us metal), which we then have to create a "drawing" out of and take pictures of. We then collect some other material (fiber), create another "drawing" and take pictures. Then we bag up the new material and pass it off to the drawing class for them create an actual drawing from. And so it goes in a cycle. At the end of this, our collective materials and art will be displayed. Isn't that cool? I love it. This is definitely increasing my desire to take more art classes, not just along the lines of photography, but in other areas like sculpture and printmaking.

I'll get pictures from this project up here soon. My work computer hates my external drive and refuses to work with Ext. She feels that Ext is too much a player, going from computer to computer and connecting with each one. I can understand I suppose.

Why I Write Agape

Today is the 2nd Annual To Write Love on Her Arms Day. If you're not already familiar with TWLOHA, it's an organization that seeks to help those struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide. The incredible story of how it all became is on their website. Today is a day where they seek to spread awareness and support by people writing "love" on their arm. I decided to write agape.

Agape is the love of God. Natural, inclusive, unconditional and yet voluntary. And the definition of the English adjective of agape (rhymes with grape, as in: Her mouth was agape.) is "wide open." (Hurrah for tangent link following!) Those two things, love and wide open, perfectly express the type of Christian love I want to exemplify--a wide open love for those I know and don't know.

I think that having different verbs to expresses the different nuances is a splendid thing. It's easy to say "love" in relation to so many things. Which makes the word over-used and maybe even not as meaningful.

And that, is why I wrote "agape."

"[Agape is] An intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being." -Thomas Jay Oord

Love and Money

While I wasn’t raised with Amish values, I was raised rather conservatively. That obviously affects me, my standards and thoughts in relation to different things. As I’ve widened my world, I’ve adapted my beliefs and standards based on where I’ve been lead and shown by God and other people who I respect greatly.
One of those conservative tendencies that I was raised with is that when you get married (and deciding who you marry is another exhaustive process), the husband is the sole provider for the family. I’d always planned on working even when I’m married, but I had expectations of still being completely materialistically provided for by my husband. As ridiculous as this sounds, one of my realistic fears before Kyle and I got married was that I would end up making more money then him once I’ve gotten my degree and moved up the ladder some. That didn’t feel right to me at all! Regardless of equal responsibility that we base our finances on, the fact that I might possibly be the highest wage earner bothered me. Kyle told me I was ridiculous, but when you’ve been raised with certain expectations, it’s difficult to change them quickly, even when you know you should.
That was about 7 months ago. A couple nights ago however, I was struck with incredible knowledge! Materialistic provision isn’t what really matters (I’m not saying that living in a hole in the wall eating chips for dinner is alright), it’s the emotional, intellectual support and provision. Kyle gives me the love, devotion, care (physically and emotionally), support and all those other good things that I need on the intimate level from my provider. It wouldn’t matter to me if he was giving me a large house, fast car, life of ease if he was not providing for me emotionally. And as it stands now, with his emotional support and love, I could live in a hole in the wall eating chips for dinner and be content and happy.
Like Kyle said, money is artificial. It’s not an original element of love. I think too often money is incorporated into love. If there’s not enough money, the love isn’t allowed to be or falls apart.
It doesn’t matter to me anymore who makes the most. Kyle gives me what no other one person can, and that’s all the sole provision I desire!

It's a Coffee Morning!

Ah, coffee! Kyle and I have been favoring tea over coffee lately. Mostly due to the fact that I don't have time in the morning to drink it, and Kyle has become immune to the effects of morning coffee, and the weather has been very Fall like. So today is probably the first day in about a week or so that we've had coffee. And ah man! it is good!!

I gently uprooted the gorilla plant that has been growing in my fig trees pot this morning. It's a peanut plant! It still has the complete shell from which 3 little peanut plants are growing and you can see the remnants of the actual nuts themselves still hanging on to the plant stalks. So, I plopped it down into another pot and hope that it'll keep growing. Now all I wonder is how did a peanut get into my pot to start with? My only theory is that it somehow was in the potting soil.

Well..we're off to frolic on the parkway and discover glorious food in Asheville.

Happy Fall!!

So, I have grand dreams of creation and genius. Glorious plans of self expression via writing, sewing, wonderful food craft, occaisional beading, acquisition of knowledge and the application thereof.
And yet, when I'm done with the "necessary" actions of my day: school, school work, and work, I sit my lovely ass down, warm my legs with my laptop, and drift away into the world of improv and sitcoms.

I hope this isn't the path the rest of my free time takes...I don't fear the future. Good times and energy will come again.

and so

I'm surprised at Life.

It is going on, almost regularly. There are the expected twangs and pangs. But still, it's going on.

It doesn't seem quite right to even have the ability to go on in this sometimes unaffected way.

But still...here I am. Going on regular.

Ginga!

This is my new hobby!

Honey sticks are amazing, and where make for tea.



Yay crappy cell phone pix!

Eagles and Weasels

From my intelligent, wonderful, Laura-perfect-coffee-formulating husband, seen on a car dealers sign board --

Sure an eagle can soar, but a weasel doesn't get sucked into jet engines.

Hmmmm.

Dishsoap

Dish washing bubbles are so amazing. I look forward to observing them again soon. But not too soon. My dishes procrastinate bathing.

Love Triangle with a Squirrel

The problem with a blog is, is that it is a long term relationship. A very committed relationship. And if you don't take care of said blog, or have the perfect match, well, relationship over and another poor, wounded log floats around.

My fingers are still numbed from my activities of last night. Now I understand why my skills at MarioKart dwindled to nil.

It's incredible how we react to different personalities. Some bring out the creative, or the nerdy, or aggravation. How lovely it would be if we chose the the people we had to come in contact with or see or hear.

And here's to apathy and all my sisters out there!

Detox out.