February Exhaustion

I think there's something tiring about February. At least for me, and I get a sense of the same feeling from friends. The inspired, determined, excited charging into the New Year has past, there are no holidays or even good excuses to get away, and the winter is just dragging on. There's no desire to make an effort to write or 'do' and the cold days drag on and on.
So I'm glad that March is almost here. Now if only the weather would warm up and be conducive for flip-flop wearing...
Still, there's a definite relief to February's end. February's imprisonment of my joy and fortitude is over! I feel all the stress of the month leaving, and creativity and motivation taking their rightful places in mah head. I'm no longer content to waste my entire evening with my computer (only pieces.... ~.^), and instead have been cleaning my house, making things, and reading!
There's a mess of crazy quilt supplies and ribbon on my couch, my raven pattern for Kyle (his fav poem is The Raven and he recites it so amazingly!), and my camera lays nearby.
It feels good to make a crafty mess! It's very similar to the dirty feeling that comes from tramping through the woods or fields or whatever. Both are refreshing because of the products of the mess. In my case, progress on my oft ignored quilt, attempts at designing (ha ha), and the mental stimulation that comes from reading (I always feel better when I'm reading...and reading more than the news and filler articles on Msn.com and yahoo.com).
So, welcome March! Bring with you warm weather, comfort, and inspiration! Take away the doldrums (I like that word) of winter and the cold curse of February! Show us the green of plants and let us feel the spring fever in our blood! Banish February from our minds and bring thoughts of spring and play! Gladly we await you!

I can empathize, but not if you're unworthy.

Attending a community college provides chances to see and interact a wide range of people. Thus far, it's been great. I do possess that gift that lets me talk with almost anyone, but I prefer to watch and notice people in my classes and on my way to class. Usually my observations are of no or little consequence, small bits that I pull amusement from. But a couple days ago as I was walking up the hill to math class, I overheard two women talking. They seemed to be in their 30's. They were complaining about the amount of out of class work that they had to do, bemoaning the fact that no one seemed to be aware of the fact that they each had children and homes to take care of, and that, for that reason, it's so much harder for them than anyone else.

Now, I do admire anyone who goes back to school after being out for a few or more years. Especially mothers who are taking care of their families and households on top of trying to get get a degree and better their position in life. I know it's hard.

But these two ladies (at least in the 15 seconds or so of conversation that I heard), were so self-centered in their complaining. Do they realize that the vast majority of students there are working and attending school at the same time? That they're not the only ones stressed and tired, doing a billizion different things, working to pay bills and pay food?

Maybe they do. And maybe they don't care. But still....complaining annoys me, especially when I'm in a similar place. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm tired and stressed, but that's just how it is for now. I won't whine about it. SO grow up, buckle down, charge on through, and it'll be okay!

love love love in many ways

Chelsea's post the other day got me thinking about all the things, people, places that I adore. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got...both because I love making lists of any sort, and the things that I love excite me anyway! It all ties into my belief that life should be good and exciting, null of apathy.

So, I love Kyle and how he loves me back. I love the growth that he's inspired, and what I've done with him in my life. I love the fact that our love is little old man and old lady love (at least, that's the title in my mind) that runs strong, mature, passionate and deep, but still increases in all those areas. I love the mountains; seeing, climbing, sitting on, breathing the air that flows over them. How can you not be happy when you're sitting on a mtn top, looking down into valleys and at the mtns beyond? Listening to the wind and being memorized by the cloud shapes in the sky? I could go on... I love being in love and how it fills my being with happiness and excitement, that overflows into to other areas of my life, enriching them, going on in a grand cycle. I think it doesn't matter so much what type of love you have, be it romantic love for another person, dedicated love to a job, or just a love of life, as long as there is some type of external love to nurture and inspire. I love that art exists, and I can use it expressively. I love coffee, the taste and smell that can make carry a morning from 'alright' over to 'perfect.' I love the feeling after a good cry, the relief and tired newness. I love memories and how a single picture can bring back so much. I love that I know interesting people, who are brilliant and intriguing. I love that there are creative people who share their ideas and show off their projects. I love music, and how, when it's really good, goes straight into my mind and heart. I love festival ambiance. I love the feeling of heading off on an adventure, be it a grand trip to the beach, or a day in the mtns. I love the feeling that comes with getting a good grade on my math test! Triumph is mine indeed! I love running around like a little kid, capturing the care-free attitude once more. I love that I'm good at my job and that it's exciting to me. I love all my idiosyncrasies and odd things. I love that I do follow my heart and head. I love the summer. I love that my life is exactly what I always hoped it would be, and that it's this way now. I love trees and all the symbolize. I love the beach and watching the ocean flirting with the shore, and the sun warming from the top and the sand from underneath.

There's so much that I love! It would take too long and become boring to list (that's an impossible task) everything that brings me joy, comfort, and excitement.

But I think these are the most important? Maybe.

tea tags

One of the first things I do when making tea (providing it's of the Yogi Tea variety) is to read the little proverb that's on the tag. Sometimes they're great, like one yesterday, that said sometime along the lines of: love what is ahead by loving what is past. And then sometimes they're just not that great: oneness is achieved by recognizing yourself. Still, I'm always eager to see what my 'tea fortune' will read. I remember one terrible box that contained only 3 different quotes!

I've been embracing the tired, stressed, working college student. But, barring all practicality, I want to drop any class that don't involve art and immerse myself completely in learning, making, and viewing it. We've already gotten hints of a grand final photography project along the lines of a photo installation. I'm writing down ideas and things that intrigue me...I want to produce something brilliant! I'm stuck on the idea of trees. I've always loved their semblance in my life and admired their beauty.

[Digital pinhole]

Well...here goes the aforementioned tired, stressed, working college student!

Be happy!

Proclaiming my dorkiness.

renewed writing

I've been feeling called back to journaling. I think this is probably the longest I've gone without writing down my deepest feelings, questions, and hopes in a blank book.

I started journaling when I was 13 (I hated the word 'diary,' it seemed so cliche and 'girly.'). I wrote pretty regularly too. There's a drawer in my sister's desk that's full of used composition books (my first choice), and nicer journals, morphing from pre-lined pages to blank pages, from large to small and back again, and from nasty handwriting to something a little more respectable and readable.

Journaling did help me get through those oh so dramatic and trying teenage years. It provided a place to spill all the messiness and cleanse my system. I can see as my maturity grew, my writing deepened, reflecting the wiser way I looked at things.

Then I met Kyle. And fell in love with Kyle! The writing increased, both in letters and emails to him, and in my journals.

But I stopped journaling about a year ago last fall. I think it was because I was trying so hard to cope and be strong, and to even journal about all I was going through was too overwhelming and weakening. There were a few entries here and there, but these were nothing more than "this is what is going on. It's terrible." There are somethings that journaling can't help you get through.

But now, when life is fully flowing again, and there's so much to contemplate and develope thoughts about, I think it's time to go back to my unlined pages and scrawl away. Make lists and write down any random thing that pops into mah leetle head withour concern for how it sounds. Things flow better too, when I write with a good pen on good paper.

Now to actually do it.....

*swoosh.

"You took a trip and climbed a tree..."

Lately has been one of those times where, despite the weariness and constant doing, going, planning, and lack of rest, I am plodding on more-or-less happily.

This past weekend I had the honor of being a part of my friend Erin's wedding. We had such a great group of bridesmaids and had a great time doing all the bridal party stuff!



It was amazing watching Erin and Ryan through the ceremony, their love, devotion, and excitement is so vi sable! It made me even more appreciative of my own love and our marriage.

On Sunday Kyle and I took off for the Parkway, taking a new route through Pisgah Forest.



(Kyle at Devil's Courthouse)

We ended up walking about 10 miles, from Beech Gap, to Devils Courthouse, to Black Balsam and back. It felt so good to walk in the sun, looking into the valley and at the mountains spreading out for miles, talking, being so happy to be with each other, and taking satisfaction in our Merrill hiking shoes (get some!).

Being outside in temperate weather is probably my favorite thing. It feels so good to be active and alive! I'm excited too, for Kyle and I have grand hiking plans this year!

I'm growing more and more aware of my connectivity to the mountains and how I love the land I live in. Just as a human needs food and water to live, I need those mountains. Seeing them as I drive around town calms me, while also building the longing to go to the mountains. And in the winter, when there are maybe 5 people in a 30 mile radius (if that even), when all I hear is the wind leaping over the ridges and sliding into the valleys, and I'm looking out on the grey and blue mountains that go on until they blend in to the sky and the sky itself even more impressive beyond, I feel pure and complete awe, peace, and possession. There are no tourists gawking at my beautiful mountains, and I can relax in the shared solitude with Kyle.

I'm pretty excited about this weekend too....2 days with Kyle and predicted tempatures in the 60's! What more could I want in February?

Here I go!