Proust

Since I've been so absent for a while, and don't seem to have any brilliant things to share, I decided to do the Proust Questionnaire. I've done it once before, almost ayear ago and I've decided to do it at least once a year, just to see how my answers have changed.


WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS?
The Beach Vacation Feeling, IE perfect relaxation, stimulation, good food and drink, no cares, and Kyle!

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?
Loss. In almost any form.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF? 
Ah, my good ol' laziness! I just can't help it!

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS?
Ignorance and intolerance.
 
WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?
First and foremost, Kyle. I've watched him grow and change himself into such a strong man, sure of exactly who he is and want he wants. And then Tim. Tim exposed me to what has ended up being the thing I enjoy the most in the world (outside of my life with Kyle), and is such an encouragement and roll model to me and has helped me out so much!
 
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE?
little things, presents, travel!
 
WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND? 
Happy, eager, impatient! :-)

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVERRATED VIRTUE? 
Humility.

WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?
My child-baring hips!
 
WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST DESPISE? 
No one particular person, just people who refuse to better themselves.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A MAN? 
Understanding and Leadership

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A WOMAN?
Understanding and empathy
 
WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVERUSE? 
Dude, awesome, jus' saying

WHAT OR WHO IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?
Kyle!
 
WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST?
The days following our engagement, our honeymoon, pretty much any time off that we get together!
 
WHICH TALENT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO HAVE?
To play a lot of musical instruments!
 
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Iah, that I put everything off, even at the loss of my performance level
 
WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
I'm working on it right now! But probably actually taking the initiative and doing what I have to do to accomplish my goal.
 
IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR A THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A squirrel! No doubt!
 
WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LIVE? 
Here, but on 5+ acres on a mountain side!

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
The letters and emails that Kyle and I wrote back and forth when were first starting our romantic relationship, my 1 year anniversary earrings, and the handmade quilt that was my great grandmothers and then my mothers.
 
WHAT DO YOU REGARD AS THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MISERY?
Losing one that you love.
 
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION?
Parks and Recreation Management!
 
WHAT IS YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC?
For anyone that knows me physically, my expressions and weird sound effects! :-) That I'm super chill!
 
WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS?
Depth.
 
WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS?
Kundera, Gregory Mcguire, CS Lewis
 
WHO IS YOUR HERO OF FICTION?
Jane in That Hideous Strength by CS Lewis
  
WHO ARE YOUR HEROES IN REAL LIFE?
Well... Kyle, Tim, my dad, Gwen Stefani
 
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE NAMES?
The ones that aren't super common, like Eden. If I have a kid, a girl, she's Eden.
 
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU MOST DISLIKE?
Intolerance and ignorance.
 
WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET?
Not doing more with my time.
 
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE?
Unaware!
 
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Pretty much love and live.

:-)

Today...

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 44. She and my dad would have been married 22 years. And this past year would have been completely different.

Happy Birthday Mama! I love you.

...

I like to think of myself as intellectual and smart, uniquely qualified to live my life simply and fully due to my strange upbringing, the opportunities that have been given me, the values and skills I possess that have been/are recognized by great people, and motivation to do exactly as I desire with the support of those great people and Kyle.

After writing that all out and re-reading, I sound arrogant, don't I? But I don't feel as if that's wrong. I am Laura, completely different and skilled from everyone else in the world. I can do it, and if I want to, I will. [I am woman, hear me roar] The people who see that and value it in me are amazing, and are the most incredible supporters. They feed me confidence and show me my strengths. I love them and admire them for that.

I am blessed to have those people, so very blessed. I was talking with one of them the other day, about how supporting relationships shouldn't be so much about what 'they can do for me' but 'what can I do for them.' Afterwards, thinking about the conversation, I realized that's a mindset, and quality. I've always enjoyed going out and helping people with things--be it compiling information, researching, bringing them little gifts, notes, working/volunteering at events. And I think, as long as I'm able to enjoy being helpful, there will always be someone wise and helpful nearby who sees that, and will have the same attitude towards me.

Let's hope so!

plinks and tinks

there's a strange, mild sorrow in my throat lately. it's a missing and a fear. a missing of my mother and the fear of losing again.
i find it strange how cyclical my mood and feelings are. around the 23-25 of the month i feel down and sad. it feels right tho, that those days marking the months in passing are felt in some way, and don't pass blindly by into time.

satisfaction? no!

So, I had a mile-stone birthday recently. The anticipated Twenty-One. It's been the age more exciting to me than even 18! It meant true freedom of choice was mine. At least, in relation to the beverage category! I've yet to have the stereotypical, crazy night of celebration. Kyle did take me out to dinner at West First, a little wood-fire baked pizza restaurant. It's the offspring of the Flat Rock Bakery, which makes wonderful breads and such in a wood fired oven. We had delicious pizza and beer and wine (beer for the Man and wine for the Girl). Afterwards we walked around Main Street, hand in hand, conversing in the way the alcohol, ease, relaxation, and happiness promote. I had such a feeling of pure satisfaction in my life and love. This is what I always dreamed of: living well, loved, secure, doing 'adult' things, responsible. Simple yes. But not always attainable.
The feeling that burst to the surface that night had been slowly building. From the insecurities about my job situation, the apprehension of interviewing and learning new habits and tasks, to comprehension and confidence as my job knowledge increased, to a new level of satisfaction and joy in my life.
It almost feels like I've reached what my angsty teenage self longed for all those hormone-filled and mentally exhausting years. I feel...grown up. And it feels great!

i am learning!

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.
Helen Keller

I'm learning more and more that I need structure. A busy, scheduled life in which there are deadlines and responsibilities. Just the thought of this coming school years makes my soul writhe a wee bit and starts to nurture the attitude of "ger! I don't wanna!" just like a 4 or 5 year old when they're forced to eat something revolting to their undeveloped taste buds or to stop playing with toys and friends.

But despite the discomfort of tasks and learning that MUST be accomplished, my time outside of that becomes rather effective and precious! Which I know is a good thing! My house gets cleaned, my mind expands! I actually have things to say and ponder!

I'm learning that it really is the small things that make the differences--a smiled greeting, pleasant tone of voice, putting my stuff away when I get home (Kyle will smile at that, I am trying!), doing tasks in a timely manner, holding the door for that little old lady behind me or even the large middle aged man (but hey, older men like me anyway!), reading for ten minutes instead of frittering away my time on Facebook or Twitter or watching tv, hiking to the top of Big Glassy despite the humidity, and staying within my self governed budget. All these are rolling with me down this life road, accumulating into how I act and what I do. I for one, would rather be nicer than not!

I think this is perhaps why I love the attitude of the Eastern religions. They have the mind set of love and respect, which is sadly lacking from the Western society.

It's a trend that my personal and spiritual growth has been on for the last few years, and the more I see, live, and learn, the more I feel drawn into "love." Not romantic love, but the love that provides courtesy, respect, assistance, advice, and acceptance. But not one that breeds false agreement or support.

I'm a fan of diversity. It's part of what makes this world such an interesting place, and people appealing (who wants to know only one type of person with one set of tastes and opinions? Not I!). But I'll never be one of those people who thinks we all should hold the exact same beliefs.

If a person stays only within the environment into which they were born and raised, how can maturity be achieved? How is understanding gained and knowledge increased? It's not.

I have some friends. While they travel and talk to many different people with many different beliefs, they always hold themselves behind a barrier, not really hearing or relating to the people they're conversing with. Now, what good does that do? Are they too afraid of what may happen if they actually listen and are prompted to wonder or question something in their own life and beliefs?

I've learned it is good to question. Even questioning God. It's what you do with that doubting or questioning that matters. This is how you grow. As babies, we learn to talk, partially in imitation of what we're surrounded by, and later as a means to be understood. Understood so that our questions and entreaties can be responded to. So that we can grow and learn and become reasonable and secure adults. Questions are good. Very good indeed.

So, as I prepare for another school year, I know I have not been mentally stagnant!

Happy Start!

time outside of time

There are grand things happening in the life o'the Laura!
So, I think a recap is in order.

-Hours at my current job (the park) were cut to 15 per week due to county budget cuts.

-I heard back from a front desk/guest services position I had applied for while not knowing if I'd get to keep my park job or not. This is a full time, 3pm-11pm position, complete with benefits (yay!) at an inn in the area. They're a "green hotel" and even have a large organic garden on the property for their restaurant! I interviewed and was offered the job a week later! I've already started training and I'm loving it!

-The plan for now is to continue at the park and start at the inn. I'll probably have to cut way back on time at the park (not like it's really high anyway) once school starts on Aug 20th.

-Saturday two friends of mine were married in a small ceremony on top of one of my favorite mountains on the Parkway! It was beautiful and sweet. Small and easy! I had the honor of playing photographer. It was a great morning!

-Saturday afternoon and Sunday Kyle and I got some hiking and scenery in. Sunday I took my camera and had a blast crawling around in the grass photographing flowers and anything that struck my fancy. Kyle got some time to visit with his brother while I occupied myself.
There's definitely a singular feeling that I get while behind my camera, squinting thru my viewfinder, twisting and contorting to get the right angle and then adjusting aperture and exposure settings. It's a strange place where time stands still, and yet there's a strong urgency. There's really nothing else in this world than me, my camera, and whatever I see and try to photograph.
Then there's the trickling hints that I've got it, I'm doing good, that explodes into satisfaction that only comes when I see my images in full size! It's that "I DID IT!" elation! Ah yes. I love my camera. :-)

-Hopefully sometime within the next month or so, Kyle and I shall be aquirring this:

Hee hee hee. That's a 2000 Toyota MR2 Spyder. The 'MR' stands for Midship Runabout which appeals to my trekie side. Isn't that sad? I'm in love with a car partially b/c it could be trekie-ish.


Ah so. That's about all in the life o'Laura right now. It's crammed packed with working and playing and sleeping. :-)

Arg!